Appetizer Families
Were you a member of a family that ordered appetizers when they’d go out to a restaurant? Or were you like me, the family that sat there while the waitress offered a few appetizer options to tease our palettes only to offer the standard, “No thanks. Just dinner tonight.” Because, more than anything else, this subtle approach to dining is the one thing that determines how awesome a family is. Let me explain…
We’ve all been out with these families before. Whether our own or that of our best friends. You sit down, order a round of waters to begin and then the head of the family orders 2 or 3 appetizers to split between the group of you. This is the ultimate symbol of “dig in, we’re gonna have a hell of a time tonight.” And this is also your first clue that the group of people you’re with are truly awesome. THIS is the family you wish was yours. This is the family that everyone wants to hang out with, that all your friends clamor to talk to when they come over. And it all begins with appetizers.
See, the family that doesn’t order appetizers is practical. Which is fine. I’m all for practical. But you’ve already made the decision to eat out. You’ve somehow managed to wrangle the whole clan into one place at the same time, and you’re clearly going to be spending a good chunk of change. So what’s the deal? You don’t even consider it? No. Because it wouldn’t be practical. It might cut into your appetites a little and besides (here’s the real reason), you never order appetizers.
Listen folks, it’s time to step outside the college fund/braided belt lifestyle for just a moment and enjoy yourself. Trust us. It’ll be worth it. No one is better off for that $5.95 you just saved by not getting an order of calamari. And you wonder why your kids go straight to the basement when their friends come over? It’s all related.
The thing about appetizers: You either get them every time or you get them never. The one and only exception is when you order a certain appetizer dish as an entree one time and then you end up going back to the restaurant just because of that spectacular dish. Otherwise, it’s a yes or a no, and you know the answer before you even open the menu. And that’s the real difference here. Families that automatically order appetizers are incredible to be around. Expect to have an Olive Garden level of euphoria at dinner that evening. And we’re not talking filmed, acted euphoria. This is the real thing. Laughs, spills, more laughs and siblings who most likely hang out on the weekends willingly. Whereas families who snub the appetizer course, whose faces are buried in the menu during the waiter/waitress’ opening monologue, will be polite as hell, eat quietly and will undoubtedly send back one entree. It’s just science.
So let me end by saying that if you fall into the latter category, do you and your family a favor and start ordering appetizers. Your whole life will change as a result of this. And if you’re already a member of the incredible appetizer ordering families I described above, well, congratulations. You’ve got one of those cool families that I bet all your friends grew up loving. Enjoy.
What do you think, dear readers? Which group did you fall into? Have you noticed the same dynamic? What other characteristics make up an automatically awesome family? We’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter….
is there an option for those families who brought their own crackers and ketchup when dining out? not that…mine was one, just you know, curious?
Right on. The Appetizer Families are the best. My Dad seemed to love being the guy to order the Apps. Sure, we would try to put in our two cents but he always made the call. He never vocalized his love…but when we saw his face when Wendy the Waitress brought over that sampler platter and basket of garlic bread…we just knew. We just knew.
But don’t reach for the Tater Skins, because he will bit off your fucking fingers.
This is the best post i’ve read by you guys.