You Are Where You Sit
Welcome to Day Two of childhood memories. Let’s journey back to elementary school for a moment. Remember when you first had an idea of what it was to be cool? When you first started to notice a group of kids separating themselves from the rest? To everyone else, these were the chosen ones. The ones that went on to run high school groups like varsity sports, student council and National Honors Society. Now, you can argue that it’s impossible for cliques to develop before looks did – before personalities took over. But you’d be wrong. Cool kids had one thing in common: they sat in the back.
It’s really that simple. The kids in your elementary school that were the coolest, the ones who owned recess and had the most crowded lunch table, were also the kids who sat in the back of the bus. Sure, the bus driver hated you. You were constantly involved in life-threatening maneuvers like standing up while the bus was moving, sticking your head out the window and changing seats without her noticing. You practically dared Barb not to give you a pink slip on a weekly basis. But that’s what was cool. And that’s why you did it – always from the back of the bus.
Of course, you got older. You grew out of the bus phase. And by the time middle school/junior high hit, buses had become uncool. (Unless you were on a field trip, in which case all of your bus-riding instincts reverted back to fourth grade mode.) But that’s when you took your back-of-the-bus mentality to the classroom. See, by this time, you were supposed to have some sort of autonomy, so most teachers let you choose your own seat on the first day. And again, those in the back were those that were cool. It was cool to seem disinterested. Those that sat in the front row, well, these were the dorks. It’s standard practice. We’re not condoning it – just stating facts.
Now, there were obvious exceptions to this rule, as there are to all rules. There was the random group of girls that developed before all the rest. They could sit wherever they wanted and still walk on water. Then there were the few guys that these girls dated. These dudes could sit wherever they wanted too, but they all still sat in the back. Then there was that one overboard gothic character and her followers. They decided at an early age that they didn’t care what others thought of them. So of course, they’re sitting anywhere. And you’re sitting as far away from them as possible.
This trend continued all the way through college and even into the work force. Even today, those that sit in the front row of any group function are immediately looked down upon by everyone else in the room. They’re the butt of jokes. The objects of ire. We can’t explain it – we really can’t. But this is America, and well, in what other country would it be more appropriate for lazy and unmotivated to be preferred over eager and excited?
All we know is that sitting in the back is the most important and most consistent factor in determining who is cool. Period.
So what about you all? Have you had the same experiences we’ve had? Did you hate the people who sat in the front row? Or did you hate those in the back? Are you one of the people we’re describing? We’re curious to know.
Growing up, I was not a “cool” kid by definition. I was the nice girl who most people liked except for the “skanks”…those mean girls who wore those pull-over NBA/NFL coats…usually Raiders or Mich State. I hung out with the cool girls, but I think they probably saw me as a project or charity work, and I never dated any of the cool guys. At best, my popularity peaked in fifth grade when it was still cool for girls to wear Umbro shorts and NBA jerseys. (But really I was just trying to be more like my cooler sister…she had the Shane Kemp Kamikazees and an Anfernee Hardaway Magic jersey…I got the Dikembe Mutombo Nuggests jersey for Christmas). Needless to say, I was never in the front row, more middle-towards back row.
At work, the cool kids sit next to the windows, and after today, I’ll be only one cubicle from the window row…the story of my life.
Thought provoking post, I must say. I have to agree, for the most part, on the back-of-the-bus-or-room-determines-coolness theory. I myself attempted to test this theory however. I was a “cool kid” and the back of the room was originally my domain. I got bored though, and tested my cool factor my sitting middle row, all the way to the right of the classroom. So…I was not the prototypical trying to be cool kid, yet I was also not the needy/dorky/preppy kid who had to sit near the front. I was able to walk the line yet still control the room. That’s why male lions always lay in the center of the pack. Growl.
BTW…Sarah…good call on the Starter Jacket reference. Everyone had UNC, Notre Dame, Michigan. I tried to go casual with Mississippi State. Still didn’t work.
2 exceptions to the rule:
1. If a hot girl is sitting in a middle row and the seat next to her or behind her is vacant, you take it. If it’s the front row don’t be fooled, these girls and typically lame and probably church going. It’s going to take some effort and maybe a ring to round 3rd.
2. If the door to the classroom is in the front and there is an aisle seat just far enough from the teacher’s immediate view you gotta move on that. You don’t want to be the last person out of class thereby minimizing your goof-off time in the hallways. Also, it’s easier to slip in or out of class undetected.