We All Know You’re Not Working From Home
We’ve had a lot of nice weather here recently. About two weeks ago there was snow on the ground. Now, we’re all in shorts. And like it does every year, this onslaught of spring has spurred a chain reaction in offices throughout the country – the “I’m gonna be working from home” email. Look, we know you’re lying. Just tell us you’re gonna be on the links all day. We’ll respect you more.
Tell us you’re gonna be laying by the pool. Tell us you’re gonna be working in the yard. Hell, tell us you’re gonna be blowing off work so you don’t have to spend one more minute listening to _______ (insert boss’ name here). Just don’t lie to us.
Because we know the last thing you’re gonna be doing is working from home. I don’t know when this trend started, and I don’t know who the genius was that thought of it, but somehow, it’s manifested into the most universally accepted excuse for missing work that I can think of. All you have to do is come up with something mildly plausible, and then follow it up with, “but I’ll be working from home.” Don’t believe me? Tell me you haven’t seen this one in the past 2 weeks.
“I’ve got an appointment at 1, then I will be working from home the rest of the day.”
Translation: “I couldn’t get a tee time earlier than 1, so I’ll be rushing to finish the 18th by sundown.”Or what about, “Babysitter canceled. Have to watch the kids til noon. Will be working from home til then.” Again, you’re lying. You overslept and you know that kids are a fail-safe excuse. It’s like having 13 dead aunts to choose from when you’re not adequately prepared for a mid-term in college.
So look. Enough with the working from home excuse. It’s tired. Your co-workers know you’re lying. Your boss knows you’re lying. And at this point, the whole fun of making up an awesome excuse is lost. Remember the days where you would spend an hour with your closest friends, trying to come up with the best possible lie to get you out of something? How about the high you got when you got away with it? And the follow-up lying that came with it – probably the best and most underrated part of the whole process. The whole thing was a game that you just HAD to win.
Now, you’ve just gotten lazy. There’s no rush. There’s no high. There’s no game. So let’s get back to the basics of excuse-making. Let’s get back to these masterful strokes of contrived genius – excuses so deep and intricate that you need John Nash himself to decode them. Then, at least your boss can respect you when you lie to his face about why you missed the afternoon board meeting.
So let’s hear it folks. Give us the best excuse you’ve used, or wish you had the moxy to use. Funniest and most creative wins.
i need an excuse not to go to work at a restaraunt in the middle of the summer. for the record, i was the “this is only a summer job, i don’t take it seriously” type and so was my roomate. we were spending the afternoon with the “hot girl who will soon be pregnant” type and her roomate by the pool. with the evening shift looming and me being the only one having to work, we decided to call me out sick. my roomate called and said i was so sick i couldn’t even talk on the phone. manager didn’t buy it. so to convince her i took the phone into the apartment club house and stuck my finger down my throat with the phone just inches away. needless to say, she bought it. and i was able to throw back a second case of beer on the day.
bad part, i ended up sleeping with the “hot girl that will soon be pregnant’s” roomate. my co-worker got pissed and ratted me out to my manager. me and my roomate both got fired the next night when we showed up at the restaraunt. best possible reason to ever get fired from a job, hands down.