The Surliest Birds
We Surly Birds love nature and animals and all that bullcrap. We also have a unique insight into avian culture (that being the inspiration for our namesake). So, as a service to you, we decided to go through and highlight some of nature’s surliest birds so you know what to look out for when you’re out there roughing it in the Alaskan wilderness or whatever. It’s the least we could do.
- Bald Eagle: A real dirty bastard of a bird. A son of a bitch. This bird begs you for change, then, when you pull out your wallet, shoves a shiv into your belly and robs you blind. I mean, no wonder this butthole of a bird represents the United States. Remember the whole “Manifest Destiny” thing? It was basically about robbing Indians of land and stuff. But lets be honest, I’d rather BE this bird than be victimized by it.
- Loggerheaded Shrike: There is nothing I could type to do this bird justice, so I’m just going to copy and paste a selection from its Wikipedia entry: “Known in many parts as the ‘Butcher Bird,’ it impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire before eating it…” Jesus.
- California Condor: These birds have an awesome sounding name and are untouchable. Seriously. They’re almost extinct, so people can’t do anything to these birds if they wanted to. They incredible just because they have a free pass to do whatever they want – but they’re surly because all their bros are dead. Its lonely being a California Condor.
- Velociraptors: These bad boys are the ancient ancestors of our modern day birds, at least so says Dr. Alan Grant in Jurassic Park. Regardless, these things were terrifying because they can apparently open doors and continue chasing/eating you. However, I tend to think that Jurassic Park made them out to be more awesome than they actually were, I’d take a T-Rex over a raptor any day,
- Geese: If you’ve ever walked too close to these assholes and been chased while they honk at you, you know why they made this list. I hate geese.
- Owls (any variety really): Back in elementary school I used to have to “dissect” owl pellets, this meant using toothpicks to fish bones out of some hairball type thing that an owl puked up. And let me tell you, these fuckers ate the shit out of some mice. There would be like 5 mice per pellet (I think I’m exaggerating, but still…). What’s worse, could you imagine being eaten by an owl? I have to think it’s an awful thing to go through.
- Vultures: I bet you’d be pretty surly if all you are all day were disgusting rotting carcasses. What terrible birds.
We missing any? Add to our list, best addition gets an owl pellet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vHEWOqdyTg
Geese with the big bumps on their beak freak me out. A (probably) rabid one bit me when I was a kid, to this day I avoid them like the plague. My grandpa became my hero the day he defended me from one of the assholes. It started chasing me so Grandpa picked up a huge branch and started swinging it towards the goose to stop its charge. When that didn’t work and the goose kept coming, my grandpa smacked that sucker upside the head so hard it sounded like a baseball cracking on a bat. Needless to say it stunned that vile bird and hopefully taught it a lesson. I hate geese.