The Departed: Ruining Cranberry Juice
I enjoyed the movie The Departed. I liked it when Leonardo’s character ordered a cranberry juice. I thought it was funny when that asshole said, “whaddaya got, yer period?” And I liked it when Leo bashed his face in with that glass. What I don’t like is that now whenever I go to a bar and get cranberry juice, 50 people ask me if I’m on my period.
Thing is, its already annoying being the sober one at a bar. So every time someone makes that joke and high fives someone, it’s just like a slap in the face. But you know – it’s part of a bigger problem. Servers who treat you like an asshole if you’re not drinking.
Listen. Maybe I’m not drinking because I’m the DD. Or maybe I’m a raging alcoholic who can’t handle alcohol. Either way… I don’t need a server trying to be edgy by peer pressuring me to get something. I’m only at the bar because all my friends are here. I didn’t feel like staying in by myself with a good book this Friday night. So right. Fuck me. You know?
No. Just be cool about it. The good bars are the ones that don’t charge. The ones where the bartender is a sober and knows how annoying drunk people are (I feel like I may be dangerously close to being a huge buzzkill. Let me be clear, drunk people suck only when you’re not drunk, if you’re drunk with them, they’re awesome).
Thing is. I suppose if I really cared, I’d just start getting club soda with lime or something. But. I like cranberry juice and how it cleans out the old kidneys. So, I suppose for the old kidneys’ sake, I can handle being asked about my period.
Oh. And confession. If I see someone drinking cranberry juice – I ask if they’re on their period. I mean. You kind of have to. Right?
I can’t even order cranberry juice anymore, which pisses me off. According to the police (a.k.a. the Gestapo…), there’s no such thing as “people you can hit…” Also, police are apparently people that you definitely cannot hit. Screw cranberry juice.
Actually, The Departed ruined something different for me. It ruined my perception of my cell phone. After watching The Departed, I realized that my cell phone was hardly loud enough when I opened it. Upon this realization, all other former feelings of inadequacy were brought back to the surface. I haven’t been able to make or receive phone calls in public for at least a year now. Don’t even get me started about using urinals in public bathrooms…
Stu -
Astute. Very astute. One of the better observations we’ve had in a while.
SB