Taking People Down a Peg: Patti
For those of you that watch Bravo, you’ve undoubtedly seen the horrible promo where Patti exclaims, “I’m not God, but I get the job done.” You read that right. God. I hope you all are grasping that concept. In her mind, she’s not quite God, but the next best human substitute. Only He could do a better job bringing people together. Well Patti, I’ve got news for you – it’s time to get taken down a peg.
First of all, can you imagine working for her? Here’s this woman who just sits in her office and constantly talks about how incredible she is, and you get to listen to it all day long. And that’s just the garbage that makes the show. How much bragging and gusto do you think gets cut out?
Look, I know what people say. She has attitude. She has sass. She has spunk. Well, like Lou Grant said in the Mary Tyler Moore show, I hate spunk. She’s telling her clients that they’re assholes, that they’re full of themselves and to be more respectful of those they go out with. Good, solid advice. Except that she compares herself to God in her advertisements. Seems a little, I don’t know, what’s the word? Hypocritical.
I imagine her being the kid in high school and early college that acted like the “mother” when her friends got too drunk at the homecoming after-party. She was the girl who never really had a boyfriend and referred to her girl friends as “honey” and “sweetie.” She was the one who always drank wine – white wine. She referred to a group of guys as “boys” as in, “Well, the boys are doing this after the game, but I think we’d better just get Mexican food and watch a romcom.” Are you getting the picture, Patti? You were a buzzkill. And you still are.
Oh, and one more thing, Patti. You’re supposed to be setting up these style-challenged, socially awkward millionaires with their other half. Except that you, yourself have absolutely no style whatsoever. I don’t know about you, but if I’m one of those girls she judges before they meet a millionaire and she tells me to change my wardrobe or change my hair, I’d just laugh in her face. What gives her the right? I suppose if you really want to impress Patti, you should just dress like her – that means ridiculous bangs, a tan that makes you look 12 years older and a dress that’s 2 sizes too small.
Patti, we have no idea what happened in your life to give you this unbelievable impression of yourself. But please, enough is enough. For the sake of everyone who watches your show, we’d appreciate it if you started taking the advice you’re so willing to give out for an hourly charge.
It is obvious you all simply don’t understand Pattie. She is a Goddess among women, being a third generation matchmaker and Jew. She not only understands the importance of teaching 46-year-old men why they shouldn’t wear Vans and not to diddle 6th graders, but she can also teach anyone to keep kosher – and I mean anyone. Maybe if you took a step back and realized Pattie is comparable to the ‘Oprah’ of matchmaking, like she clearly states in a different promo for the show, she wouldn’t make you so surly. Good riddance.