I Just Want A Tan
All right look. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of being sunburned, then peeling, then burning again. And then after all is said and done, being only slightly darker than when I started the whole process. I mean, I never expected to tan like when I was a kid, running around all day with nothing to do. But this is just ridiculous. There’s got to be an easier way.
I am not nor will I ever be a tanning bed frequenter. I’ve heard it’s bad for you and unhealthy and all that crap, and I’m sure it is. But that’s not what I care about. I just don’t trust myself to not fall asleep and come out looking like a moron. And even if I didn’t, it just feels like cheating to me. It’s funny, of all the things in which I choose to be a purist, I choose tanning.
It’s all just so overwhelming. It used to be that I could just take a book to the back deck (if you read our articles, you’ll know I wouldn’t be caught dead at a pool) and I’d come back in with a nice, golden tan. But now, I’m hauling SPF really high for my nose, SPF not as high for my upper body and SPF pointless for my legs and feet. Then I’ve gotta make sure it’s waterproof, or I’m re-applying after I spray myself off every 15 minutes.
Now they’ve got these so-called tanning oils with SPF built in to them, which is even more confusing to me. I mean, what’s the difference between this product and the lotion of old? Is this just a marketing ploy? A way of avoiding how much lotion makes you look like an idiot? All I know is even though this oil stuff doesn’t cover you in white gunk, you do still end up looking rather stupid. Here you are, already sweating your ass off, and now you’re just glistening in the sun like some oven-baked chicken. No, I’m not a bodybuilder, thank you. But I’m glad this whole oil thing has brought that association to your mind.
But the worst part about all this is that none of it works. If I apply any of these things, I don’t get tan. If I don’t apply them, I burn. So I guess if I could lay out every day for two straight weeks wearing these protections, I could gradually be happy with the results. But since I have a job, and half the time it’s raining anyway, I’ve just gotta ask: how in the hell am I supposed to get a tan?
Anyone? Does anyone know the secret recipe? And no, I don’t care about the health defects of being out in the sun. I really don’t. I just want to know how to get a decent tan while juggling a job. I know you all out there have the answers, or at least something funny to tell me to make me forget about all this.
i don’t know if i have an answer, because i’ve felt the same way about burning, peeling and feeling like all my efforts were wasted. however, i did just go home for a wedding and was complimented (by my indian friend no less) that i looked really tan.
perhaps my gradual tonal change went unnoticed to me, but was easily recognized by an outsider who doesn’t see me except occasionally over christmas when i return home. here’s a thought.
try keeping a pre spring/summer photo posted in your bathroom. besides appearing incredibly vain (you’re already looking at yourself in the mirror, you really need a picture too?) you may be surprised by how much color you’ve actually picked up over your seemingly effortless, but admittedly arduous efforts