An Open Letter to my iTunes
Dear iTunes,
Listen, I really like you. I think we definitely have a future together – I just don’t know if I like you like THAT. You know? Sure. Most days I put you on random and you’re incredible. You instinctively pick all the songs that I want…no… NEED to hear. But then, there are those other days…
You know god damn well what I mean iTunes. The day you keep picking the two Limp Bizkit songs that I just happened to put on my playlist (so what, I used to like them). Then, you follow that up with the Josh Groban. It’s like you were thinking to yourself… “hey, he’s playing music out loud, I bet the office would love to hear the Josh Groban CD he added but didn’t tell anyone about in the hopes no one would find out.” Listen, iTunes, you’re great. You house music and let me make CD’s and I’ve even figured out how to get around most of your safeguards… but if you embarrass me in front of my friends ever again, I swear to God.
But anyway, times have been good – I’ll give you that. Like when you played Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger. I didn’t even know I had that song. It was a revelation for a few minutes. But you know you’re good at that. Whether its Banditos by the Refreshments or In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, you know just what buttons of old stuff to pick.
I just think if we’re ever going to make the next step, we have to be able to trust each other. I know I put a lot of bands like Animal Collective on my playlist to try and seem hip and trendy, but you’re not supposed to play it. You should know that. You should fucking know that.
Look, I’m getting carried away. I’m sorry, iTunes. Let’s just forget this ever happened and go on living our lives together happily. Unless of course, Higher by Creed comes on when my headphones aren’t plugged in again. Then it’s on.
This is hilarious, probably my favorite so far.
I had a recent embarrassing experience with my iPod. It was my old iPod from early college that I’d recently put some new stuff on, and I was with a new group of people I’d met out here in LA. I had this killer indie mix going and everyone’s all “Wow, you’re taste in music is GREAT, we didn’t think a Missouri girl would know any good music” and “Hey, will you burn me a CD? You know some really awesome stuff”, and I was feeling GOOD.
Until Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose” came on. If you’ve ever heard the intro to that song, you know how badly I want to stop the car and throw myself into the intersection.
Agreed.
If my iPod decides to play Meat Loaf ever, ever again…punches will be thrown.
Meat Loaf? Seal? Pretty sure “Kiss from a rose” and “I would do anything for love (but i wont do that)” are both on my top 25 most played. Kiss from a rose i can sort of understand, i mean, who wants to evoke the very worst movie of the Batman franchise? But the heartrending vocals of meatloaf with jim brickman’s piano playing is a fully realized musical vision. I am generally well aligned with the Birds on most matters, but i will respectfully disagree on this one. I don’t apologize for any of my music, not even:
“Come Clean” by H. Duff; great production value, an epic meditation on self truth
“Ave Maria” as performed by C. Dion; a study in technical proficiency, like a perfectly cooked egg, yet transcendent emotionally
“I Have Nothing” by W. Houston; one of the most powerful and impressive vocal performances of all time and if you havent seen that little Filipino girl sing it on Oprah you are missing out on life.
Dan, “Kiss from a Rose” was from Batman Forever, which was awful but arguably the penultimate in the Schumaker-era Batman films. Everyone knows, the worst in the Batman series (and potentially the worst movie ever made) was Batman & Robin – awful in so many categories that the director apologized for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6epsGrcuTs&feature=related
If you forgot, here’s a video that pretty much sums it up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJWpmPGCR1c
So, as you see Dan, I simply can’t entertain your point as valid when you’re so obviously wrong in this instance.
I stand corrected, but they were both pretty awful. by the way, the link for said Filipino girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqFvCGvkZbk
Ten years ago, in the post “Batman and Robin” wasteland that was the Batman franchise, did we ever see a Batman-film garnering public outrage because it wasn’t nominated for Best Picture?
No. No, we did not.
[...] Take her out for a candlelight dinner, have a glass of wine, and just as Marvin Gaye comes up on your iTunes list, lean in and whisper, “Baby, if we ever get disconnected while on our cell phones, I’ll [...]