Welcome to a new semi-regular feature on our fair site. It’s where we take it upon ourselves to take someone down a peg – and we’re kicking it off with super sweet, awesome real estate dude, Armando Montelongo.
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Taking People Down a Peg: Armando Montelongo
The Importance of the Car Wash
I like to keep busy on the weekends. It’s important for me to be able to reflect and think that I truly got something done. However, I also like to not do anything – so these two competing tendencies can be a little tricky to navigate. That is, until, I discovered the $5 car wash.
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Attn Kay Jewlers: Mall Footage Doesn’t Help
This is going to be the first of two posts about advertising. See, there’s something about us you may not know – we love advertising. Good advertising. To us, there are few things better than a perfectly executed commercial spot, viral video or print ad. But one company who couldn’t be further away from good advertising is Kay Jewelry. We hate their ads, and in turn, hate their company. That’s just the way it works. Keep reading »
Why I Hate The Ocean, Pt. 1
We’re* introducing a new feature here on The Surly Birds and the purpose is to chronicle why exactly I hate the ocean. It’s a compilation of terrifying and disgusting oceanic creatures that have convinced me that the single more horrifying place on Earth is the ocean.
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An Open Letter To People Who Want Me To Listen As They Play Guitar
That’s great you just learned how to play Dave Matthews’ new single on the guitar. And I’m really glad you’re playing it for me during this sweet party. Honestly. But please – do you have to stare at me while you play. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do I bob my head? What?
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John Boehner (R-Oh). Awful Name. Awesome Voice.
America, I’d like you to meet John Boehner. He’s the current Minority leader in the U.S. House of Representatives – but I think he may just be the world’s next great voiceover man.
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The French Horn
The French Horn is the classiest brass instrument on earth. It originated in Germany but was associated with France because of how classy it was. As years passed, when composers wanted a sweet piece of music to be 400 times more regal and awesome they gave it a French Horn solo. That’s a fact.
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You are the Gum You Chew
There are two kinds of gum in this world. There’s the kind that’s a pleasure to chew – that keeps the flavor coming for most of the time it’s in your mouth. And then there’s the kind that tastes good for about five seconds before becoming a disgusting annoyance to your taste buds. The kind that eventually takes on the consistency of boat caulk.
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Science Fiction
You know the worst kind of story? Science Fiction. I hate it. In my opinion, science fiction is the laziest kind of story telling. You literally just make things up. All sorts of stupid details. Does your story have a plot hole because the laws of physics don’t allow for something to happen? Make it up. Call it science fiction – good to go.
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Horseshoes, Hand Grenades and the Weather
If you have a job, if you are gainfully employed, if you do anything at all and are paid for it, you better do your job right – or you’ll be fired. This is reality for everyone in the working world today. Everyone that is, except meteorologists. These atmospheric prognosticators collect their paychecks regardless of how accurate their forecast is – and that’s the one thing they’re paid to do.