Thanks to Ryan James of Kansas City, MO, for the random observation… There’s a growing trend in America, mostly middle-aged America, that simply needs to stop. Tell me this hasn’t happened to you: You go to a gas station to fill up. You’re standing there, minding your own business. A Honda Pilot pulls up next to you. A man around 45-years old gets out, dressed in a pair of pleated khaki shorts, sneakers and a skin-tight Under Armour shirt – always nicely tucked in with a belt. Sir, I hate to tell you, but you look like an asshole. Quit wearing Under Armour as a shirt.
Under Armour. Not Over Armour.
Best Announcing Combo in the NCAA: Raftery and Lundquist
As you may have noticed, the NCAA tournament kicked off this last weekend. It’s been four days of upsets, blowouts, Greg Paulus on the bench and everyone learning that the ACC was overrated (I’ve been saying it all along). However, one thing has become abundantly clear – Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery are the best top-to-bottom announcing duo out there.
You Didn’t Have A Chance Anyway
This goes out to all of you who happen to be friends with the guy we’re about to describe, because there’s one in every circle. You know, the guy who thinks he can get every girl in the room. And then when he can’t, when he falls flat on his face from rejection, he blames it on the girl being stupid. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most commonly used phrase among guys today: “Yeah, she’s really hot. But I bet she’s really dumb.”
An Apology to Internet Snobs
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had already seen that thing I sent you. I know how much you hate it when you’ve already seen a cool website and then I find it and send it your way. In the future I will try to keep it in mind that you’re way more Internet-savvy than I am, so it would be best to just assume you’ve already seen everything.
Keep reading »
Yes, We Know You Need Caffeine
Hey you – the guy who drinks coffee and red bull throughout the entire day. The one with the yellow stained teeth. The one with the disgusting breath that smells like old creamer and farts. We get it. We know you need caffeine. The whole office knows you need caffeine. So please, stop telling me about it.
Keep reading »
Duke Loses Again, Stays In Top 10
The final Top 25 before March Madness begins was released yesterday, and lo and behold, Duke managed to stay in the top 10. That means Duke was able to stay there all year – again. Duke lost 3 of 4 at one point this year, 4 of 6 even, with the two wins coming against unranked opponents at home. Never left the top 10. Ridiculous.
Kia: World’s Worst Motor Coach
We’ve compiled a comprehensive list of things that will never be uttered about a Kia:
Keep reading »
Dennis Leary – we get it.
Hey, Dennis Leary – we get it. You like to do the whole fast-talking, chain-smoking thing. We get it. You’re like the stupid version of Dennis Miller. We. Get. it.
Keep reading »
October is the Coolest Month Name
I know this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but I think, unequivocally, that the coolest name for a month is October. What other month can you say stuff like “Lock-tober” and “Rock-tober”? None. None even come close. Also, October is associated with the fall and grilling and day-drinking. It’s an incredible month – home to both Halloween, Apple Day and Turkmenistan’s Independence Day
Keep reading »
Inclined Plane: The Worst Simple Machine
I’m sick to death of people giving the inclined plane so much credit. As far as I’m concerned it shouldn’t even be considered a machine, much less a simple machine. It’s the least machine-y of the six, and nobody is fooled by “inclined plane” – we all know you’re just a ramp.
Keep reading »