A weird thing happened to me, I was driving and pulled up to a red light. I was behind a station wagon. In the back of the station wagon was a young teenager (I’d say 13ish) and a young girl (10ish? I don’t know ages). They were both rear-facing and just kind of blankly staring at me. They had no choice, where else could they look.
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Let’s Retire the Rear-Facing Station Wagon Seats Already
Whew, that was close.
So. Your buddy’s uncle just got out of the hospital. He just got in a hunting accident and was shot with a bow and arrow or something. You’re telling me the story, apparently, had the arrow been 2 millimeters to the right, he would have been a dead man. Sure. Whatever. I’m done listening. I feel like people are always a millimeter to the right from being dead.
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Recycling. Instant boost of self worth.
Any time I recycle something I immediately feel good about myself and my contributions to this world. It’s simple really. All I do is put one little piece of plastic into those big blue bins and I’m “doing my part.”
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An Open Letter To The Guy Who Made Me Wait Forever So He Could Get A Kinda Close Parking Spot
Hey dick, move. God dammit. Get out of the way. Seriously? You’re gonna wait 10 minutes for this spot? This spot? Come on man. I’m trying to get somewhere. At least move over so I can go around in a dramatic and aggressive move. Fine. We’re just gonna wait here? Good. You son of a bitch.
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Just Shoot the Tires
We’ve spoken about car chases before. You know how we feel about them. We prefer reality. Maybe then, we should stop watching movies altogether, but that’s a topic for another time. Today’s post is about car chases, and why in the world people don’t just shoot for the tires every single time.
Sweet Dreams
Ever have that incredible dream that’s super awesome and you immediately realize that you need to tell others about it? You know. How all this CRAZY stuff happened and other people just need to hear about it? Well. I understand. But, I do have a couple rules to keep in mind when you’re slogging through it trying to remember stuff as you’re telling me.
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Yes. I know you like The Hangover.
Ever heard of a little movie called The Hangover? It’s literally the funniest movie ever made in the history of movies. How do I know that? Every single person on Earth says so via Facebook, Twitter, Google Buzz, Friendster, Yammer, MySpace or any other of these bastard programs.
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Funniest thing ever to say ever: What Are You Smoking?
“Man, are you smoking crack or something?” HAHAHAHHAHAHA. This is probably the single funniest comeback ever uttered by mankind. Literally, it’s so funny that every person uses it at least once in their life. It’s so awesome that teachers use it and AUTOMATICALLY seem cool to their kids.
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A Critical Analysis of the Lyrics to Tik Tok by Ke$ha
I’ll admit it. The first time I heard “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha I thought to myself, “Oh, god dammit, what is music coming to these days.” But then. I listened to the lyrics. I mean REALLY listened and I tell you what. I was stunned. Beneath all the loops and autotunage and stupid dollar sign for the S was a real anthem for social activism. Let’s take a look.
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Super Awkward: Rearview Mirror Eye Contact
It’s true, random eye contact is almost always awkward. No matter the situation. With some waitress across a room. With your boss. With your best friend. Every time it happens its horrible. And usually accompanied by some head movements to try and mask it. A stretch. A look over the shoulder. But. The most awkward of all eye contact is creepy rearview mirror eye contact.
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