You Didn’t Have A Chance Anyway
This goes out to all of you who happen to be friends with the guy we’re about to describe, because there’s one in every circle. You know, the guy who thinks he can get every girl in the room. And then when he can’t, when he falls flat on his face from rejection, he blames it on the girl being stupid. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most commonly used phrase among guys today: “Yeah, she’s really hot. But I bet she’s really dumb.”
Now, I know there’s not one of you who out there who hasn’t heard this ridiculous justification for rejection before. And if you’ve actually uttered this desperate phrase, well, at least the Surly Birds will know who to avoid at a bar. We’ll just look for the guy in the black blazer and jeans, surrounded by all his buddies. That should clue us in to who’s the most likely candidate to blame not getting laid on a girl’s IQ.
See ladies, you’re not objects or conquers or acquisitions. To these Muscle Milk promos, you’re just lucky to be talking to them. But the second you show disinterest, which we’re guessing would happen by the time 4-mississippi rolls around, you’re an idiot. You’re too stupid to even have a conversation with and 300 SAT points lower than you were before you rejected him. It seems harsh, but, these guys are way cooler than everyone else, so, it’s understandable.
Listen, we get it dudes. You’re awesome. We know you could have had that gorgeous girl over there if you wanted her, but not tonight, right? So when she started looking at the beer stains on the wall instead of your freshly waxed chest, that was her trying to contain herself. We know. You don’t have to convince us. It was probably the story about Beach Week at your fraternity sophomore year that was a little too cerebral for her feeble mind. It’s a lot to take in at once.
This is the same guy who has story after story about ‘things he’s done’ with girls. Places he’s done it. Positions he’s tried. Again, we’re clearly dealing with a superior mind here. So quit trying to understand these guys. They’re operating on a different level than the rest of us. To quote Jeep, ‘It’s an Awesome thing. You wouldn’t understand.”
The absolute worst is when one of these badasses judges a girl without even talking to her. Looks at her, realizes that she’s so good looking, that even he wouldn’t have a chance. So he tells all his buddies how stupid she probably is, right then and there. Only thing is, if this girl pulled our blazer buddy into a dark corner, he’d let 2+2 equal 5 until the day she dumped him. At which point, he’d then realize that she ‘just wasn’t smart enough for him.’
It’s a tough life these guys lead. They’re simply too smart, good looking and awesome for nearly every girl that they encounter. So what about you? What’s the worst excuse for getting rejected you’ve ever heard? And what is it about these ultra-sweet dudes that makes them so sweet? For our money, it’s the bronze skin in January.