The Biggest Plus About Facebook

There are lots of things we could write about this father of all social networking sites. We could discuss the approaching ability to creep on girls without even being friends with them. We could talk about friending people simply to look at pictures. We could talk about the constant giving of toys, and the fact that someone is actually purchasing that toy. But no. We think there’s something else out there that makes Facebook stand head and shoulders above the rest. And that thing is anonymity.

The one thing anyonymity does is that it allows you to do all of the things I mentioned above. If you want to creep on some girl for a month, you can creep on that girl – anonymously. If you want to ‘friend’ someone just to look at his/her pictures, you can do that. Because after they confirm you, and they will, you can roam around that person’s still-frames all afternoon without him/her knowing. But the best thing about anonymity is your ability to be less of a friend to people, and do it all like nothing ever happened. Here’s what I mean…

Any of you ever get invited to some ridiculous event that not only sounds awful, it sounds made up? That was rhetorical. Of course you have, many of you daily. Well, instead of clicking Yes, No or Maybe, simply click on the tiny type below those options. Click ‘remove from my events’ and voila, the invite never happened. It’s like the 21st century way of saying you never got the invite in the mail. Or a less guilty way of saying, “Sorry man, I never got that voicemail.” You both know you did, and your friendship is basically tarnished.

And that brings me to another point. The best part about all of this is that not only is your anonymity preserved, but Facebook isn’t quite accepted in society, believe it or not, so if some friend of yours is still pissy about you not accepting his/her invite, or refusing to believe that you never got it, simply just say you’re never on Facebook. Say, “sorry, I don’t get on that thing very much.”

Done. Now your friend feels retarded and you come out on top. That’s the beauty of social media. All it really does is give bored people something to do. So if you ‘don’t have time to check it’ or ‘aren’t ever really on it’, you suddenly look like this busy, important person and your friend, well, is just some guy/gal who invites people to things by using Facebook.

The whole thing is one beautiful circle if you know how to manipulate it. You never have to accept anything, you can choose who you want to be friends with, who you don’t, and you can do it all without anyone ever knowing or being able to accuse you of anything. Zuckerberg nailed it with this tiny little aspect of his social giant. I gotta feel like this was his idea, and I give him props for it. Because after all, if I wanted to talk to get ahold of someone without actually getting ahold of them, or talk to someone without actually talking to them, I’d send them a Facebook message – completely unviewable by anyone else.

You know, if I play my cards right, I may never have to talk to anyone ever again…