The Bartender Hierarchy
I’ve noticed that being a bartender is a fraternity of sorts. If you’ve ever made and served a drink as a job, you immediately think you can connect with every other barkeep out there. You also tend to let everyone else know that you were once a bartender so you can make drinks a lot better… or you know the best shots. It’s the ultimate not-impressive-but-kind-of-impressive past job. I, myself, tended bar throughout college and now dabble in it on the weekends and I’ve come to notice another hidden facet of the bartending world. The hierarchy.
To illustrate what I mean, let’s look at the two separate poles. First, and highest on the hierarchy, are the bartenders at cool and party bars/clubs. Girls want to be with the dudes, guys definitely want to be with the babes. They’re seen as awesome. Dispatching drinks with a cool air of non-interest. As if to say, “hey, this is just a job to me, I could care less.” I knew of several in college that would hook up with girls that they themselves had served all night.
Now, let’s look at the low end of the totem pole – the banquet bartender (i.e. what I do on the weekends), the equivalent of the untouchable in India’s caste system. Generally, the banquet bartender is a nuisance. A roadblock. A turd that is merely an obstacle in the way of you and the booze. They’re slow, they don’t have much selection, they pour tonic from little bottles. No amount of personality or skill can overcome this either. You may decide to tip them, but most times you won’t. Your interest in them is directly proportional to the amount of booze you want to drink. What’s worse, the minute the party is over and these poor saps have to put away all the liquor, you revert to anger and frustration, “come on dude, just one more drink.” Leave the banquet bartenders alone, I can guarantee you, they would rather be getting a vigorous flossing at the hands of an over-eager dental assistant than to spend an extra 30 minutes getting you even drunker.
In between those two poles are the bartenders at chain restaurants. These people typically think they’re awesome and unique and usually have big plans. However, most of the plans involve working as a bartender at a better restaurant. These guys/gals are a step above the banquet bar. Right above them are the old & gross barkeeps at dive bars. They get extra points merely because they’ve lived an awful life and deserve to be treated with a little respect (but not much).
Then comes bartenders at swank, classy restaurants. These people deal with all sorts of weird drink requests like Vodka Gimlets and presses and much weirder ones. They have to know things about what they serve and why it matters and how it affects things. If you’re a bartender at one of these places, you’re done for. You are going to work in a restaurant in some manner the rest of your life.
And, like I said, at the top are the sweet babes and tough dudes who man the super “hot” and trendy bars/clubs. These people win.
… God I hate being a banquet bartender
Have you seen the show Party Down? The main character is a great example of a banquet bartender.