Just Throw It Away
You’re hungry. You don’t have much, but you do have some peanut butter and some bread. Sounds like a sandwich is in order. So you open the bag, reach over and around (carefully avoiding the heel of the bread) and grab two soft, perfectly-crusted pieces. It’s PBJ time!…. Now here is where I gotta stop and ask - why not just throw the heel away?? You aren’t gonna eat it. You know it. Just throw it away and save yourself the hassle every time you need some bread.
Why do we do these things? Why do we operate on logic at every single point throughout the day, and then come home and defy our simplest human reflex. I could understand if you’re one of those “but there are starving kids in Africa” types, so are morally opposed to throwing away the heel of the bread anyway. That I get. But then I ask you, what are you doing with the heel? Cause I know you’re not eating it. They’re sick.
There are undeniable truths when you’re around food. You never finish the last little bit of someone’s drink, no matter how thirsty you are. You don’t get a hot dog at a ballgame before the 4th inning. And you don’t choose more crust on your bread. Ever. Even when you were a kid, I’m sure you can remember your parents yelling at you, imploring you to eat your crust. But never once did they yell at you if you got the heel. Half-eaten sandwich? That’s ok, go outside and play. You got screwed.
So we know you’re not eating it. Not even the Mother Theresa can tolerate the chewy stubborness of the heel. And we know you’re not throwing them away, because “it’s just wrong.” And we know you’re not giving it away, because the homeless would be lining up at your front door simply trying to discover what they ever did to you to deserve such treatment. Just ask Elaine from Seinfeld how her muffin stump generosity worked out. Not to mention muffin stumps are a country mile better than bread heels.
So look, we’re all for making the world a better place too. But there are limits, and this is one of them. Just throw the heel away the first time you open the bread. It will change your life. No more contortions of your wrist and arm to avoid that disgusting excuse for a slice. No one will look down on you, and actually, we think you might even convert others who witness your act of discretion. Just throw it away.
I know I will be in the minority on this one, but I disagree 100%. I eat the heel. Every loaf. Every time. Sure, it may not be sandwich worthy, but I use it as a nice little snack. I’m on the way out the door and don’t have time to construct a masterpiece, so I grab the heel, slather some peanut butter on it, drizzle a little honey and I’m gone. A delicious little snack that satisifies your hunger and gives you a boost of energy.
I too, must disagree with the Birds and agree with Ryan. While I must admit that I bypass the heel initially, each loaf is inevitably reduced to those 2 underappreciated pieces of whole-grained goodness. Once this occurs, I don’t hesitate to toss them in the toaster (this way they almost seem like a bagel), and slather on your classic PB & J. Delicious.
I disagree about throwing the heel away. You must not have taken very much time to consider why people leave the heel in the bag. If you think about it over time the heel begins to dry out. You see the air that is in the bread bag or that gets into the bag as you open and close it dries out the first piece of bread in the bag. So if you leave the heel in the bag your next piece of bread and each piece thereafter will be soft and moist. If you toss the heel, well then you are wasting two pieces of bread because the next piece in line will dry out. So Surly Birds my advice is to think about these things before you write about them.
The heel is only good for two things, if your mom is sending you cookies in the mail, the heel can be included in the package and it will miraculously preserve the moisture content of the cookies. Second, IMHO, the only time when the heel can be considered edible is when transformed by preparation of toast in the french style. The soaking of the heel in the eggs mixture and the addition of powdered sugar and syrup momentarily mask the drink-coaster-like properties of the heel and the human body is ever so briefly able to consume it. Otherwise, i use the heels to weigh down a newly changed trash sack.
I agree with dan on both counts. I also leave it in the brown sugar container to keep that stuff from forming brown sugar rocks and stone. You can cook with it in a variety of ways. But the only way to eat it “as is”, is if the bread is actually good (not a grocery store loaf). As in it’s meant to have a hard crust like a good sourdough. When you get your clam chowder or lobster bisque in a bread bowl, you are essentially getting your soup in one giant, all-encompassing bread heel. The top: heel. The sides: heel. It’s one solid fucking bread heel, and yet, it works. IF you’re talking wonderbread, you might as well grab all your heels and a pack of wasabe and go feed the ducks or pigeons. Make sure you bring a camera though, because when those free loading birds get into that wasabe on a piece of bread heel, hilarity ensues.
i actually eat the first heel, throw away the middle, then eat the last heel. try it once. your life will literally be transformed.
I save the heel for those times when I haven’t had time to go to the grocery store, but I need a sandwich right this second. It’s a desperate last resort.
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