Inclined Plane: The Worst Simple Machine
I’m sick to death of people giving the inclined plane so much credit. As far as I’m concerned it shouldn’t even be considered a machine, much less a simple machine. It’s the least machine-y of the six, and nobody is fooled by “inclined plane” – we all know you’re just a ramp.
The other five simple machines are pretty badass in their own respects. I could imagine primitive people being super pumped about inventing them and showing their friends. But the ramp? Come on. Let’s stop giving it so much damn credit. Just compare them, there’s really no competition:
- Pulley: This is probably one of the sweetest of the simple machines. Combining a grooved wheel with a rope to lift stuff is awesome, how else do you think the Lighthouse of Alexandria or any of the six other Wonders of the Ancient World get made? With a ton of pulleys… and forced labor, that’s how.
- Wedge: How are you planning on cutting down trees and splitting atoms and stuff without a wedge? You won’t have much luck, I’ll tell you that right now.
- Lever: More important than the lever is the fulcrum, which is probably one of my favorite words to say. Ask yourself, is there anything more satisfying than pulling a lever when the opportunity presents itself? Its as fulfilling as a chunky beef stew.
- Wheel & Axle: This is the undoubted star of the simple machines. No one ever lauds the invention of the inclined plane. But the wheel? Now we’re talking.
- Screw: Probably the least known but most used of all the simple machines. It’s described as an inclined plane wrapped around a cylinder, but I hate to drag the screw’s name down in the mud with that son-of-a-bitch inclined plane.
What’s left? The ramp – some stupid board that’s slightly inclined. Listen, I don’t deny its utility. I just don’t think it’s in the league of the other simple machines. A ramp is an accident. Pulleys take engineering and pluck and gumption. No one invented the “inclined plane” – it just happened by mistake.
That’s all. Let me know what you inclined plane lovers think.
I freaking love this site. You guys need to make Surly Bird T-shirts. I’d take one.
The reason why the idea of the ramp is so flimsy is because it is the only simple machine that organically occurs in nature. Some idiot was just walking along thinking, “I’ve got to come up with something to compete with the rest of the simple machine boys down at the pub. Hey, this hill is kind of cool. I know, I’ll rename this gentle slope something scientific sounding like ‘inclined plane’. It’s just stupid enough to work.”
In all fairness, the wedge should probably be discredited considering it is made of two inclined planes.
You can’t discredit a wedge for that reason. It serves a different function than an inclined plane.
Have you tried moving without an inclined plane? How about a Liberator?
Have you tried moving without an inclined plane in a U-Haul?
How about a Liberator? Someone was doing their homework on that one…
[...] Inclined Plane: The Worst of the Simple Machines [...]