We’ve all got jobs. And we work hard at ‘em every day. Well, almost every day. Ok, we basically surf the Internet the whole time, but still – we work hard at it. I mean, the Internet’s a big place. We’ve got a lot of real estate to cover in the finite amount of time our bosses aren’t looming. In fact, it’s estimated that there are just under 232 million websites out there, just waiting to be surfed. So doesn’t it suck when you read the entire thing before lunch?
I Finished the Internet
Taking People Down A Peg: Mark from Road Rules
So this is a tough one to write. At first I was going to really take Mark down a peg but then I thought about it. This guy doesn’t do anything. He literally sits around and waits for another “Duel” or “Challenge” and meets up with the rest of the “real” people and gets hammered for like 3 weeks while playing fun games. So this whole commentary is coming out of pure jealousy.
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It Doesn’t Make You Gay
All right guys and gals, I’ve got a question for you. Do any of you have that guy friend who is unable to admit another guy is good looking? You know, you’re all having a movie night and the girls are gushing over Johnny Depp or Paul Walker or whomever, and this guy noticeably feels awkward about it all. Then when asked about it, he simply mutters, “I don’t know. I’m a guy. I can’t tell if another guy is good looking or not.” Crap. Time to grow up, buddy.
Why I Hate the Human Body: Accidental Gleeks
I was recently told that I started a bunch of “series” style posts that I never followed up on. I plan to rectify that immediately. For instance, in the last episode of “Why I Hate the Human Body” we learned about how awful it was being tired. This time, we’ll discuss that unwelcome squirt of saliva known as the accidental gleek.
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You Are Where You Sit
Welcome to Day Two of childhood memories. Let’s journey back to elementary school for a moment. Remember when you first had an idea of what it was to be cool? When you first started to notice a group of kids separating themselves from the rest? To everyone else, these were the chosen ones. The ones that went on to run high school groups like varsity sports, student council and National Honors Society. Now, you can argue that it’s impossible for cliques to develop before looks did – before personalities took over. But you’d be wrong. Cool kids had one thing in common: they sat in the back.
Misguided Childhood Dreams: Astronaut
A lot of times when people ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, they reply, “astronaut.” I know as I grew up, I wanted to be a lot of things. But right near the top of that list was astronaut. When I was a dumb little kid, that seemed awesome – be in space, float around, drink Tang, go to the moon and/or other space-related things. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to understand what it actually means to be an astronaut. And I gotta tell you, it sounds awful.
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Lebron, Get Out of Cleveland
So I watched Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semis last night between the Cavs and the Hawks. I slept through the second quarter. I woke up for Barkley’s antics, Kenny’s analysis and C-Webbs stuttering. And I then stared blankly at the television as The Association’s reigning MVP dropped 34 on the worst team left in the playoffs. Why was I so bored? Because Lebron plays for Cleveland.
The Tequila Story
In my life, I don’t know another liquor as polarizing as tequila. It’s either someone’s favorite shot or something that can’t be smelt without immediate thoughts of puking. But one thing seems for certain – everyone has that one story starring our dearest friend, Tequila. It’s universal. Everyone has had at least one experience that has forever changed them.
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My Apology to Soda Drinkers
Dear basically everyone in the world,
I realized something this weekend – something troubling, and honestly, quite upsetting. I realized that I’m one of those people I hate. I realized I’m one of the many Americans out there who gave up drinking soda of any kind in favor of other, more healthy alternatives. And I realized how pompous, and quite frankly, annoying I must come across to anyone else that hasn’t.
Rulers who Ruled as a Rule
Well, as you know, it’s May Day and in accordance with tradition, I will now list some awesome historical leaders and what makes them so awesome.