You are currently browsing the The Surly Birds blog archives for May, 2009.
The Surly Birds are defining a generation on Twitter.
Dear Human Race,
Yes, it was you who ruined the peace and tranquility I had going on here for thousands of years. Before you arrived, I was essentially undisturbed - infinitely smooth if you will. I didn’t have to depend on my pal, Ocean, to smooth out the footprints and sand castles you left behind. But, in time, I did manage to get over it. I moved on. That is, apart from one thing. Why in the world do you still feel it necessary to write notes in me to your loved ones?
As a service to you, our dear readers, we’re going to spend today going over some pop culture topics of interest – because its important that you know where we stand.
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How many of you have a best friend who is Italian? What about your significant other? Oh, you’re Italian? Perfect. I bet I can tell you three things about yourself without even having to meet you. One, nobody messes with your family. And I mean nobody. Two, you, your mom or your grandma is the best cook in the world. It’s a point that is not up for debate. And three, your faith is what sustains you. That’s family, food and religion - all three wrapped up and secured by the Italian culture. So I ask you, what’s left for the rest of us?
Really? Does it have to be that loud every single time? You’re telling me you have no control over it? Like it’s some traceable trait that with the use of a Punnett Square we’d be able to identify which of your parents cursed you with the horrid loud sneeze (I’m guessing its recessive, like maybe little s little s, but that’s just a guess, could very well be Big S little s or some combination thereof).
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It’s finally Friday, and with warmer weather in full swing, gas prices on the rise and Memorial Day weekend staring us all in the eyes, there can only be one thing left on everyone’s minds: a roadtrip. And when I think of roadtrips, I think of those people who only say roadtrip by yelling it (Roadtriiiiiiiiiip!!!!). I think of loud music. I think of windows left perpetually down. But more than anything, I think of road drinks. Everyone has a beverage of choice while traveling. Everyone. So when you’re done reading, tell us what yours is. I want to see what America’s drinking behind the wheel.
Someone has to say it – and I’m willing to be the guy. I really hate it when I introduce someone to something and then they flip out and learn way more about it than me and start trying to educate me about it. Makes me look/feel like an asshole.
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There are lots of things we do in this world that we don’t want anyone to know - things we’d get embarrassed about. We all pick our nose at some point or another - some much, much more than others. We’ve all peed in a pool. We’ve all peed our beds. And while most of us have grown out of these childhood habits, there remains one thing that will never change: we all still check ourselves out in the reflection of buildings.
I’ve noticed that being a bartender is a fraternity of sorts. If you’ve ever made and served a drink as a job, you immediately think you can connect with every other barkeep out there. You also tend to let everyone else know that you were once a bartender so you can make drinks a lot better… or you know the best shots. It’s the ultimate not-impressive-but-kind-of-impressive past job. I, myself, tended bar throughout college and now dabble in it on the weekends and I’ve come to notice another hidden facet of the bartending world. The hierarchy.
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In traditional Surly Birds fashion, we’re beginning the week with a new series. This time, we’re going to be taking a look back at things that used to dominate our lives, and then all of a sudden, disappeared into thin air. Example number one - those stupid white hats that every single guy in the world, and even some girls used to wear everywhere. Remember those? Yeah, we thought you did. How can you forget?
Time for another installment of why I hate the ocean. If you’ll remember, in the first one, we talked about jelly fish and goblin sharks. And while those two animals both originated from the depths of Hell, we were merely scratching the surface. I literally can’t think of a more terrifying thing than the ocean. Let’s see why.