So I read three articles yesterday that discussed some things that happened over the weekend. One in politics, one in sports and one on television. And in all three, the author discussed what we, the reading public might choose to discuss at the ‘water cooler’. Which brings me to my next point. Do any of you have water coolers in your offices anymore? And if so, are you standing around with those sick paper cones discussing the night’s events? Our guess is you aren’t.
Is Anyone Even Gathering Around the Water Cooler Anymore?
Taking People Down a Peg: Patti
For those of you that watch Bravo, you’ve undoubtedly seen the horrible promo where Patti exclaims, “I’m not God, but I get the job done.” You read that right. God. I hope you all are grasping that concept. In her mind, she’s not quite God, but the next best human substitute. Only He could do a better job bringing people together. Well Patti, I’ve got news for you – it’s time to get taken down a peg.
Umbrellas. Still Not Cool.
For some reason, umbrellas are a lot like sunglasses for me. They protect me from an element, they constantly break and I never seem to have them when I actually need them.
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Quit Blaming Everything on ADHD
How many of you have heard this one before? “Oh yeah, that’s just my ADHD kicking in again.” Or how about this gem? “I just can’t concentrate. I think I have ADHD.” For those of you nodding, (I’m sure most of you have even said these words) we here at the Surly Birds are asking you to please stop. You don’t have ADHD. You’re not going to have ADHD. Quit making excuses for your tendency to not focus on things you don’t want to do anyway - like work.
Why I Hate the Human Body: Tiredness
So, I’ve got numerous gripes with the human body – a huge one being that it takes way too much upkeep. However, most of my gripes center on the fact that I have no clue how it works. The whole thing is a mystery to me. But here’s the real point I’m trying to make, have you ever said, thought or heard, “man, I was so tired I couldn’t sleep” ? I know for a fact that I’ve said, thought, experienced and heard that. It’s another bodily phenomena that I don’t get and don’t necessarily like.
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Under Armour. Not Over Armour.
Thanks to Ryan James of Kansas City, MO, for the random observation… There’s a growing trend in America, mostly middle-aged America, that simply needs to stop. Tell me this hasn’t happened to you: You go to a gas station to fill up. You’re standing there, minding your own business. A Honda Pilot pulls up next to you. A man around 45-years old gets out, dressed in a pair of pleated khaki shorts, sneakers and a skin-tight Under Armour shirt - always nicely tucked in with a belt. Sir, I hate to tell you, but you look like an asshole. Quit wearing Under Armour as a shirt.
Best Announcing Combo in the NCAA: Raftery and Lundquist
As you may have noticed, the NCAA tournament kicked off this last weekend. It’s been four days of upsets, blowouts, Greg Paulus on the bench and everyone learning that the ACC was overrated (I’ve been saying it all along). However, one thing has become abundantly clear – Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery are the best top-to-bottom announcing duo out there.
The Breakfast Bar Conundrum
I’m not a big breakfast guy. I rarely eat it – even though I know its good for me. I just don’t like it, I really don’t like eating ever (too much of a process), but especially in the morning. Still, there are those days that I make the effort to stop at the 7-11 and pick up something to eat. And therein lies the problem. Picking a breakfast bar is a personal and revealing choice.
You Didn’t Have A Chance Anyway
This goes out to all of you who happen to be friends with the guy we’re about to describe, because there’s one in every circle. You know, the guy who thinks he can get every girl in the room. And then when he can’t, when he falls flat on his face from rejection, he blames it on the girl being stupid. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most commonly used phrase among guys today: “Yeah, she’s really hot. But I bet she’s really dumb.”
An Apology to Internet Snobs
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had already seen that thing I sent you. I know how much you hate it when you’ve already seen a cool website and then I find it and send it your way. In the future I will try to keep it in mind that you’re way more Internet-savvy than I am, so it would be best to just assume you’ve already seen everything.
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