There’s a point when a boy becomes a man. And that point, for Mark Wahlberg’s character in Fear, happens when he’s on a rollercoaster with Reese Witherspoon*.
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Wild Horses in Fear is the best use of music in a movie
John Boehner (R-Oh). Awful Name. Awesome Voice.
America, I’d like you to meet John Boehner. He’s the current Minority leader in the U.S. House of Representatives – but I think he may just be the world’s next great voiceover man.
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People love to condescend about VCRs
I’ve noticed something recently. People think it’s awesome to be condescending about the VCR. Like having a VCR makes you a huge boner. I’m going to tell you right now, I will never apologize for having a VCR. Nor will I apologize for the fact that I still have one. In my closet. On the top shelf.
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You can’t sense Global Warming
Yeah. I’m talking to you. The one who doesn’t “believe” in Global Warming. The one who thinks it’s some liberal creation. The one who, when it gets cold, looks at his friend and says, “Global Warming my ass!” The one who thinks protecting the environment is for “pussies.”
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The French Horn
The French Horn is the classiest brass instrument on earth. It originated in Germany but was associated with France because of how classy it was. As years passed, when composers wanted a sweet piece of music to be 400 times more regal and awesome they gave it a French Horn solo. That’s a fact.
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Attention Basketball Fans: No One Is Impressed
Enough with the white-outs. Enough with the black-outs. Enough with the last-minute effort to convince people your fans are great. It’s tired. It’s desperate. And frankly, no one cares anymore.
Going to an Apple Orchard Makes for a Great Date
Right off the bat, I have to admit, I love apple orchards. I could spend all day picking apples. Putting them into cheap barrels or baskets. Eating them. Drinking their precious cider. But I also happen to think that if you’re a young couple (young as in the span of the relationship, not each of your relative ages) then there’s nothing better than putting on some overalls and flannel and heading to your local orchard.
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You are the Gum You Chew
There are two kinds of gum in this world. There’s the kind that’s a pleasure to chew – that keeps the flavor coming for most of the time it’s in your mouth. And then there’s the kind that tastes good for about five seconds before becoming a disgusting annoyance to your taste buds. The kind that eventually takes on the consistency of boat caulk.
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Science Fiction
You know the worst kind of story? Science Fiction. I hate it. In my opinion, science fiction is the laziest kind of story telling. You literally just make things up. All sorts of stupid details. Does your story have a plot hole because the laws of physics don’t allow for something to happen? Make it up. Call it science fiction - good to go.
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Wolves Get Too Much Credit
I’m sick of people being so afraid of wolves. They treat them like they are a velociraptor or something truly terrifying like that. It’s not. It’s a big dog. With lots of friends.